


The One Thing I Can't Live Without

by Coquelicot7



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Fix-It, I'll fix it from there, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2019-10-25 17:49:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17729891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coquelicot7/pseuds/Coquelicot7
Summary: Tony and Pepper's relationship, starting after Age of Ultron. The breakup, the reunion, the engagement, and the wedding.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language so I apologize for the few mistakes you'll find along the way.

_“You said that you would stop!”_

“That was the point of the whole thing! I created Ultron to stop -”

“You should’ve thought this through, Tony!”

They were at it for five minutes, tops. When he came back home after – let’s keep calling it "the whole thing" – Pepper was waiting for him.

_“Is it true what they say?” she had said._

_“What?”_

_“Was that you? Ultron.”_

_“Yeah, I’m fine and alive, thank you.”_

_He didn’t mean to be bitter but it had been a rough day._

_“Answer me, Tony.”_

_“Yes. Yes, it’s all on me.”_

And she had gone mad. Which is understandable, really, but he didn’t need to be told over and over again that he had _“killed hundreds of innocent people!”_. He knew. 

“You know what, I’m just gonna walk away. That’s it, I’m walking away”, Tony said as he did, raising his hands in the air.

“You come back and face your actions!”

He turned again to face her.

“I already do, Pepper! You think I don’t blame myself? Because I do! But it’s done and it’s too late and right now I need to eat, I need to have a shower and maybe have some sleep, you know?!” And a fucking glass of wine, he thought to himself. 

“Oh you go get your golden shower and sleep in your golden bed while people are still dying in a hospital  -”

He walked away.

*

He got his shower, got some snacks and two or three glasses of wine but he gave up on trying to sleep. It was three in the afternoon, anyway.

Pepper was nowhere to be found and Tony didn’t know if he was relieved or worried about it. They were arguing all the time, but this time was different. It was damageable. The world had already crumbled outside, he didn’t need his own world to crumble from inside.

When she didn’t come back in the evening either, his chest began to hurt.

“Jarvis, can you locate Pepper?”

But there was no Jarvis anymore. “Shit”.

“Why not just call her?”

Tony’s heart jumped. “Holy shit, Vision!”

The android was just standing there, in the middle of the living room, seemingly coming from nowhere.

“Where do you come –“ Tony was about to ask, but then remembered Vision could actually walk through walls. “Nevermind.”

“Miss Potts let me in this morning. I was here the whole time but I assumed you didn’t want to be bothered.”

“Great, that’s fucking great. What made you change your mind?”

“You called Jarvis.”

It caught Tony off guard for a second. Was this loyalty? Was this just programming? What even was it that he created now anyway?

“You’re not Jarvis”, he pointed out.

“Indeed I am not, but I have kept some of his memory so I believed that maybe you’d want me to – oh. I’m still new at this. Do you wish me to leave?”

Tony sighed, rubbing his face. “Nah, it’s fine. You can stay. If you want to learn how to be human though, I’d suggest you sit down on the couch. Standing here – well, floating here like this is kinda creepy.”

“Understood.”

“Hey, you wanna try a drink? Wine?” Tony said as he poured one glass for himself.

“I do, but as for you I believe you’ve already had five glasses of this beverage today, which I heard is toxic for the human body.”

“Gosh, you really do sound like Jarvis. Here, try this.” He handed the glass to Vision, before sitting down on the other end of the couch. He had already finished his own drink when Vision was still dipping his lips in the wine, eyebrows frowned, sounding like a professional sommelier.

“So?” Tony asked.

“I do not taste nor feel a thing.”

“Lucky you.”

“You should call Miss Potts.”

“We need to work on changing topics, too.”

“She was worrying about your mental health.”

“I worry about that too.”

“She’s afraid you might do something stupid -”

“Too late, already done that.”

“To yourself.”

_Oh._  So why did she scream at him?  _Because what you did is unforgiveable. And you know you’re both hot-blooded._

“Right. I’m not going to do that.”

“Which is why you should call her and tell her.”

Tony stared at Vision, then frowned and nodded approvingly. “You know, for a newborn, you’re a fast learner. I sense a romantic in you. Can I have a moment of privacy, please? I’m gonna call my girlfriend.”

Vision nodded, then floated away and through the window, just more than 900 fucking feet in the air. The guy still had a lot of things to learn.

His phone in his hand, and Tony wasn’t so sure anymore. Was he supposed to explain himself? Pepper didn’t seem like she wanted to hear any explanations this morning. Was he supposed to apologize? It will never be enough for what he did. Was he supposed to tell her he loved her and beg her to come back? It was probably too early for that.

But he was going to do exactly all that anyway.

_It’s Pepper Potts, leave a message._

“Hey. Pep. Can we talk? I mean, actually talk and not… shout at each other? I just – I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing but things got out of control. I got out of control. You’re right, I should’ve thought this through. Don’t know why I didn’t because… It’s my whole nightmare again. My weapons turning against innocent people. I was so sure and – it’s a huge mistake I’ll have to live with my entire life. I’m not asking you to – well, maybe I do. Please forgive me.”

He could never forgive himself so he was hoping at least the one person that mattered would.

“Come back when you’re ready. I’ll… stick around for a few days. But please come back. I need you. I love you.”

*

He slept till noon and when he got up, his body felt sore everywhere. His head hurt too, though probably not from the battle. But it didn’t matter because above all things, it smelled like Pepper’s favorite homemade chicken salad.

“Hey”, he said as he walked in the kitchen.

“Hey”, she said without looking at him.

She was wearing a black legging and a white tank top, her hair tied in a pony tail. Gosh, she could be wearing a rag and Tony would still think she was beautiful.

“Where did you sleep?”

“Maria’s.”

“You don’t look like you actually slept”, he pointed out.

She had dark rings under her eyes. “I did a lot of thinking.”

She set a plate and cutlery in front of him but still avoided his eyes.

“Did you get my voicemail?”

“I did.”

“Can we talk, then?”

“ _I’m_  going to talk and you’re going to listen. But eat first. Vision told me all you did yesterday was drink and eat snacks, which is totally not healthy.”

Only Pepper could think about eating healthy in the darkest of times.

“Vision’s still around?”

“I gave him the guest room.”

“Great.”

“Let’s talk.”

“Okay.”

“You are responsible, so far, for the death of 150 people.”

Tony sighed, dropping his fork. He wasn’t hungry, and what was it with the chest pain again? He didn’t expect her to be so straightforward. And why did she choose that moment to look at him in the eyes? “You don’t need to -”

“Let me finish. It is what it is and, like you said on the phone, you will have to live with it forever. But I know you, Tony, and I don’t want you to go into self-destructive mode. This bottle of wine was full yesterday. Take this aspirin.”

Despite himself and as he took the aspirin, Tony smiled. Pepper was observant and caring and tough and honestly, he didn’t know what he would do without her. What he would be without her.

“I knew what I signed for when I got into a relationship with you.” Pepper continued. “This job, or whatever you call being a superhero, I knew what it would involve and despite all the dangerous situations you put yourself in, I was okay with it because you always took the right decisions. And now, just one wrong decision turned… lethal. And I have to live with that burden too, which is why it is going to be very hard for me to forgive you. I love you, Tony. But I hate what you did.”

There was a long silence after that. After escaping death so many times, this was the first time Tony felt like he was actually dying.

“This is the part where you can talk”, Pepper said, probably seeking a reaction that didn’t come.

Tony shrugged. “Got nothing to say. Uh, I understand?”

“Tony.”

“It’s okay. You hate what I did, I hate myself for what I did, things are pretty clear. We can move on from here. At least we both love each other. These things matter, right? Gosh, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be bitter, it’s just harsh and too much in a very short time and I need to process all that is happening but right now, I’m lost.”, he admitted. “But I understand, I do. If that’s what you want to hear.”

“I want to hear that you’re gonna be okay.”

“Are we gonna be okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then I don’t know either. But you don’t need to worry about me. I’m going back to Sokovia tomorrow. I’m gonna fix as much as I can. Of course some things will never be… repairable. You can’t fix the dead.” He let out a humourless laugh. “And then maybe we can fix ourselves, too.”


	2. Chapter 2

Months later and “maybe we can fix ourselves” became “maybe we can't fix ourselves.”

That was ten days prior the September Foundation event. Pepper had spent the whole morning looking at old dresses in the closet and when Tony walked in their bedroom again, he found her in that blue, backless dress she had worn years ago.

“I remember that dress”, Tony said. “My birthday present for you.”

She had a silent laugh, looked down and touched the silky texture thoughtfully. “I was wondering if it still suited me.”

Of course it did.

“We danced with you in that dress.”

“Hmm.” She smiled at the memory.

He held his hand in the air and after a second of hesitation, she took it. Already he was pulling her closer against his chest, put the other arm on her hip. She dropped her head on his shoulder, he put his nose in her hair, and they moved slowly in silent. They hadn't been this close in a while. They barely touched each other these days. Barely even talked to each other. Even arguing – they didn't do that anymore.

Of course it had to be one of these too short sweet times.

“Maybe we can't fix ourselves”, she whispered.

That was point blank a shot in the heart – those words he had said months ago turned against him - but he kept dancing. That's what he was used to do. Carrying on despite the pain.

“It's over, right?”

Those words he had said and heard so many times and they had always meant relief. Selling weapons? It's over. The battle of New York? It's over. Ultron? It's over. They meant turning a page to the next, better chapter. The world was just a big machine that needed upgrading and he did well, since Afghanistan, but this whole past year was a downgrade. That chapter wasn't over yet.

So there was no point in hiding the obvious. They had stopped acting like a couple a long time ago. Oh, he still loved her and she still loved him and they still showed it and said it but these things don't matter when you don't know how to be together anymore.

“It's a break”, she said, and as if to emphasize her words, she pulled out from their dancing embrace. She looked at him straight in the eyes. “I'll leave tomorrow.”

That's when he realized – and that was a proof of how dizzy his head was outside of work, because Tony used to noticed everything - that she wasn't picking up a dress earlier. She was packing up her suitcase, open on the bed, already halfway packed. “You don't have to leave.”

“I do. We need to part ways for a while. It's not together that needs fixing, it's one another first. We didn't make this right.”

“We never did anything right.”

“And we should start doing it. I don't want us to be that unhealthy, toxic couple that hurts each other. So we have to take time away from each other before that happens.”

“You never hurt me.”

_I did._ She read his mind or maybe knew him too well because she sighed and said “Neither did you, Tony. It's nobody's fault.”

“Right.”

There were so many things he wanted to do with Pepper. Marry her. Have children with her. Build her a farm. Yet he had focused more on trying to fix the world than building his own. _Gosh, I sound like my dad. Is that how it went for him?_

She turned and began to undress, the silky straps falling down her arms.

“You can stay here. I'll leave.”

“Can't. I only own 12% of this place.”

She meant it as a joke, but he only had half a smile. _You deserve it all_ remained unspoken.

“Anyway”, she said, pushing her fringe away after putting on and old shirt, “I need to... get a change of scene for a while. Maybe a farm life will make me feel good.”

“So you're going to that eccentric uncle of yours.”

“Morgan.”

“Morgan. I never seem to get his name.”

“Yeah, prioritizing. That's what you need to work on.”

She wasn't telling him off, she was paraphrasing their therapist. They had had a few couple therapy sessions, on Pepper's request, that they had dropped two months later because Tony kept missing the appointments. Not on purpose – he just forgot. He was too busy doing whatever the next thing to do was. And there was always something to do, something to fix, something to get ready for. Things were actually never just over. And then she argued, and then he argued back, and then she had become tired of it and stopped trying to reason him, and then they had stopped talking at all, outside of the small talk and the work related conversations.

They had had a few occasional, too short sweet moments as they co-worked together on B.A.R.F. He let her see times of his past – she laughed when she saw him create Dum-E and U, smiled with him when his mother sang him to bed, stroke his neck tenderly when his father shouted at him for various reasons, cried with him when he learnt about his mother's death.

But the problem was, they didn't know how to be together in this world anymore. Tony was a futurist and trying to change the world was part of the job but he had come to admit that there were limits to what he could do and that maybe, maybe he couldn't prevent the next bomb to be dropped, only get ready to fight it. He hadn't expected for the next bomb to drop in his own private life. And that's what she meant. Prioritizing.

Rogers, for an old man, surprisingly fitted in much better than him. Tony let the world weigh down on his shoulders, Rogers carried the world on his shoulders. _I'm the old man._

So right now, the next thing to do was... letting her go.

*

So the next morning, he carried her suitcase to the doorway for her – which was the elevator. Happy took it from here. He was wearing sunglasses. Early at dawn. Tony squinted to peer through the tainted glasses. “Did you just cry?”

Happy sniffed dramatically. “Didn't you?!”

Tony patted him on the back. “Hey, hey. She's gonna be alright. She's tough.”

“But are _you?_ And by you I mean you two. It can't be over! What am I supposed to do with that rin-”

Tony hushed him as Pepper came in. She paused.

“I'll wait in the car”, Happy said, taking her suitcase with him.

“Please.”

The elevator closed and Tony and Pepper were left alone. There was a moment of silence as they both looked at the digits go down.

“So...”, she said.

“How long?”

“I don't know.”

He knew already that there was no answer to that, but he needed to ask anyway.

“Remember. It's a break but please, don't break yourself even more.”

No promises could be made here.

She put a hand on his chest. Right where his arc reactor used to be. “You're a mechanic. You fix things. So fix yourself, please.”

He gave her a little smile. “I'll try.” He had to give her that at least. He couldn't not try for Pepper. He had to make things right for Pepper. His world right now was about... Pepper. Too bad he only realized it when she wasn't leaving it.

She gave him a kiss on the cheek. It was soft, it was tender, it was everything he needed but it meant goodbye. His hand somehow grabbed hers, holding on to this last moment, then her hand slipped out of his, just as she slipped out of his life. Just like that, she was gone.

Just like that, the world became suddenly a lot darker.

 


	3. Chapter 3

And then he spiralled.

He didn't mean to spiral, he really meant to prevent everything from falling apart. Head up high, focused on the company, doing Pepper's job as best as he could – which was never gonna be as good as Pepper. He got himself busy with some neighbourhood spider-boy with an awful red and blue costume, too. The kid was awful at hiding his identity.

Then the Avengers called him for that mission in Wakanda and Tony declined. They were probably doing better without him anyway. Except this time, they didn't.

_What are we doing? Are we helping this world or are we causing its chaos?_

“ _We're a time bomb”_ , Bruce – good old missing bro - was right. So when Secretary of State Thaddeus Ross approached him with the Sokovia Accords, Tony thought it was time to _make things right._

And then and then and then, Cap had gone crazy, the government had gone crazy, Cap's crazy best friend-boyfriend had killed his mom and he had gone crazy himself all over again. He would have killed Barnes and not cared at all. Which is frightening. Killing him would have left him more damaged than he already was, and in the long term. And yes, he knew Barnes was brainwashed and he was sorry, but that didn't change how Tony felt. Hate.

And betrayal.

Rogers had looked into his eyes and swore he knew nothing. Who was he trying to protect? Tony from the pain? Barnes from the blame? Or was it himself? Bit of green in the blue of his eyes, the psycho-iatrist said. Tony saw bits of gray.

Now that also made Tony question everything else. How long had Steve looked into his eyes and pretended everything was fine? Trusting someone is hard, Tony found. Perhaps equally as hard as finding love, on his part. And Tony trusted Steve Rogers. Just like he trusted Obi. Betrayal comes from the ones we hold the dearest, they say. He wasn't just hit in the arc reactor, it felt like he was also stabbed in the heart.

The only good thing that came out of this was now Tony knew what prioritizing meant. As everyone left his close and narrow circle of trust, it came down to the most important ones. Rhodey. Happy. And at the center of it, Pepper. Pepper may have left his side but she never left that circle. And now Tony understood. His world was this circle. That's where he needed to be.

He came back from Siberia alone, cold and beat, yet somehow he was already starting to feel... better. Because he could finally say it again – _it's over._ The outcome of this chapter of life was shitty, but at least it was finally over. He could finally move on.

*

So first things first in this new chapter: the kid. Deal with the -

“Mr Stark? Are you okay? Did you get Captain America? Did I make it? Did I impress you?”

Now that was a hell of a lot of questions for his hammering head, Tony thought the next morning with a wince, as he looked into the first-aid kit for an aspirin. “You don't have to impress me”, are the only words that came out of his mouth, as some sort of statement. The kid didn't have to give his all to impress the adult in the house. Tony knew this all too well.

“Oh, okay, I just thought, with all these superheros around me, I'd have to keep up -”

Tony turned and squinted, the aspirin sparkling in the glass of water he was holding in his hand. “Did you do your homework?”

Prioritizing.

“Yeah, I did. I do struggle with that one math problem though -”

Tony drank his aspirin in one long swallow. “Alright”, he said, putting the glass in the sink. “Let's pack, I'll help you with it in the jet.”

*

They dropped the kid to his place in the evening, then made a straight departure for the hospital where Rhodey had been transferred. He was stable, they said. Which was good news in this whole series of bad news.

He was asleep when they arrived. They had barely entered the room when they heard someone at the door.

Pepper was there, a paper cup of coffee steaming in one hand. Her shoulders loosened when she saw Tony, as if a huge weight was suddenly leaving her back. “Hi”, she said.

“Hey.”

“He just fell asleep.”

“I figured.”

She smiled. Stretched her arm, offering her cup of coffee. “You need it more than I do.”

It was his turn to smile, now, as he gladly took the cup from her hand. “Then let me get you one in return, Miss...?”

“Potts”, she said, her smile turning into a soft laugh.

“Potts. Hap, you want one? Strong?”

“Oh, yes please”, Happy nodded as he moved Pepper's stuff away from the chair next to Rhodey's bed to sit on it.

*

Waiting in front of a vending machine probably wasn't the best place and situation to hold a private conversation, yet they shared more in here than they ever did in their household this whole past year. There was a moment of silence as Tony put in the coins and chose Happy's coffee. Then -

“How are you?” he asked.

“You look tired”, Pepper said at the same time.

He smiled and rubbed his face, confirming her words. “Yeah, well. I spent the night helping a kid with his homework.”

She raised an eyebrow, genuinely intrigued. “You'll need to tell me about that.” She raised her hand and brought it to his face, gently tapping his black eye from the tip of her fingers. “I also want to know about that.”

Tony sighed, all traces of his previous smile disappearing slowly – from the small wrinkles at the corner of his lips to the spark in his eyes. “Cap.”

Her hand was now resting on his cheek. “I just wanted to make things right”, Tony continued. “Cooperate. The Avengers shouldn't act as they wish, that doesn't make us any different from the bad guys. We shouldn't – or maybe only _I_ shouldnt.”

And now a finger was on his lips. “ _You_ should rest.”

“There's a lot of things I still need to take care of.”

“Not today. Today you take care of yourself.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow we take care of ourselves.”

Tony smiled, and nodded into her hand. “I missed you”, he said, and it came out in a whisper, like these words were fragile.

She nodded too, and closed her eyes, her eyebrows frowning in a sore way, as if this confession was painful – but it was painful because she felt it, too. “I missed you too.”

*

Rhodey was awake when they got back to his room.

“Coffee”, Tony said, handing his cup to Happy.

Rhodey took it instead. “Thanks.”

“How come you're awake?”

“Hap dozed off. Snored. Woke me up.”

“I wasn't snoring! I... was breathing loudly.”

Rhodey leaned, going for the remote control Happy had in his hand. “Give me that back.”

“You took my coffee”, Happy snapped, looking daggers at him.

“The game is on, how many times have you watched Downton Abbey anyway?!”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I see you're doing good.”

“Yeah, the doctor said I can leave tomorrow.”

“I said we'd keep you tomorrow”, the doctor corrected.

She entered the room and went for Rhodey's bed, checking the drip, and taking the cup of coffee from his hand. “That is not recommended.”

Rhodey groaned and threw his head back on the pillow. “I'm dying here.”

“Clearly you're not. You're in great shape. A bit too much, perhaps. We're gonna go lower on the morphine.”

“You're no fun.”

“Two more days”, she told him, looking over her glasses with a warning look, before making a departure.

“Actually, that's great”, Tony said, closing the door behind her. “Gives me time to work on that prototype I've planned for you.”

“Great. Can't wait to use my legs again so I can kick his ass”, Rhodey snapped.

Yeah, Tony thought as he watched his best friend try to get the remote control once more. Despite the drama, despite the events, there was a sense of normal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda rushed things at the end! Sorry about that.


	4. Chapter 4

“And that web – he makes it himself, can you believe it? He's fifteen. What?”

Pepper brought her cup of tea down and her shoulders raised in a silent laugh.

They were having lunch. A lunch date. A date. Well, Tony was having lunch, jet lagged as he was; it was more of a late tea time for Pepper. It didn't matter. They were reconnecting, that's what mattered.

She shook her head as she put her cup of tea back on the small coffee table they were sat at, letting her hands rest against it. It was a cold day and her sleeves covered her hands. “Nothing”, she replied, biting her smile. She looked at him straight in the eyes and was it... pride? There definitely wasn't nothing but he let it pass because he liked what he saw in her eyes.

“What did you say his last name was?”, she asked.

“Parker. Peter Parker.”

“Isn't that the son of Richard Parker?”

“Yep.”

“Tony.”

So she had figured.

“Did you keep track of the kid?”

Stark Industries had worked with Richard Parker for a short period of time in the early 2000s. Short because death had hit Richard and his wife too early. Not that Tony really knew the man, but he knew he had a kid, and he knew what it was like to lose his parents. So yes, “I checked on him from time to time. To see if he was doing alright.” He shrugged it off. He just knew the main events. The adoption. Ben Parker's death. And the last time he wanted to check on the kid, Tony found out he played spiders in the streets.

Pepper sighed. “And people say you don't have a heart.”

“But I have brains.”

“Sometimes.”

“Sometimes?”

“I'd say twelve percent of the time?”

Tony chuckled. “I'm gonna pay for that comment all my life, aint I?”

“Yes.” Pepper nodded with a smile.

“I'm selling it, by the way.”

“What?”

“The tower.”

Pepper raised her eyebrows, then lowered them in a frown as her expression darkened. “Does this... what seems to be a very sudden decision have to do with the recent events?”

Tony kept his look focused on his plate. “Maybe. Hey, Guy, could I have dessert please?”

“Sure”, the man replied, picking up Tony's plate.

Happy's cousin looked almost just like him, if only less grumpy. The small and quiet café had been recommended by Happy for their first date and it had quickly become a favorite of theirs. 

“Thanks. You know you're my favorite Hogan.”

The man rolled his eyes. “Of course.”

“Don't tell Happy.”

Guy made it to the backroom and Tony couldn't keep his hands and eyes occupied with food anymore. So he had no other choice but to face Pepper's gaze. It felt like looking the truth in the face all over again. Because he couldn't lie with Pepper. She could read his eyes better than anyone. “So what is it, Tony?”, she asked again fondly. “We've been here for an hour and all you talked about is how the kid impressed you, which was nice to hear about, but... What is it you're trying to forget about? What is it exactly that... broke you?”

Look, she knew the Avengers had never really bonded. She knew there had been tensions in the past. From the making of the team to the Ultron catastrophe and even in between – they had tried to connect but there had been more disagreements and arguments than bonding moments. Sadly. Tony had rearranged the tower so it became the Avengers tower and could be shared by all of his teammates so they would feel like a family, even become one, but it never happened. That part was, to quote Pepper's words, “nobody's fault.”

So she knew a few more tensions wasn't what left Tony as damaged as he was – and not physical damages - because tensions were part of the Avengers relationship from the beginning. She knew that meant there had been a breaking point. She guessed.

And Tony... he needed to let it out because it was bubbling inside, but it was just damn painful. He would rather avoid even thinking about it and not deal with all he was feeling than relive the moment.

But look where ignoring had led him until now. Not in a good place. And it didn't just put a strain on his own psychological state but also on Pepper and their relationship. And he'd rather relive the last weekend than the past year.

So he took a deep breath and told her everything. From signing the accords, to trying to convince Steve to sign the accords, to Barnes reappearing, to having to stop them, to realizing it was a set up, to those final events in Siberia. “So… Barnes killed my mom. But in the end it’s not what hurts the most, I guess. Not anymore. It’s the lie. Rogers looked at me straight in the eyes and lied. It feels like -”

“Betrayal?”

“Exactly. After Obi…”

Pepper reached for his hand on the table and squeezed it gently. “I know.”

Pepper felt things, she guessed, she knew, she understood. Tony was plagued by nightmares, ninety-nine percent of the time, whether it was his own demons or the endgame up there that haunted his nights and days, but that woman in front of him was the woman of his dreams. She was the only dream he had.

Tony kept chasing nightmares when he could just live a dream. So he interlocked his fingers with hers. The dream starts here.

He didn't realize it but Pepper could see it: he had the most genuine smile on his face she had seen in a long time.

Tony cleared his throat. He had felt a bit too much lately. It was time to move on to something else. Something else was Pepper. He needed to know about her too because gosh, he had been so worried. It was one thing to be on a break, it was another to not hear from her anymore. “So how was it at, hum...?”

Pepper rolled her eyes amusingly. “Morgan's. It was good. I think he's starting to lose his mind, though.”

“If you want my opinion, he went crazy a long time ago. How's Bernie?”

Pepper raised her hands in the air. “How come you remember Morgan's goat's name but not his own?”

“Some pets make an impression.”

“Yeah, I know, Bernard has been your lock screen picture for a month after our visit.”

Tony tried to supress his smile. “Are you still jealous?”

“Jealous of a dead goat?”

Tony gasped. “No?!”

“She passed last summer.”

Tony gulped.

“I'm sorry, Tony. She had a long life. And she has a son. Lottie.”

“An inspiration.” Tony raised his glass in the air. “To Bernie.”

Pepper chuckled and Tony joined her once his glass finished. Then he tilted his head, resting his cheek on his hand, and stared at her fondly. “You're tanned”, he said. “It looks good on you.” He had forgotten. Not that she was beautiful, but what she looked like when she was tanned. They hadn't taken holidays in such a long time. Suddenly he was craving for some. They were planning to fly to Greece, before Ultron. He had gone to Sokovia instead.

It surprisingly made Pepper blush, and she touched her neck almost shyly. “Yeah, well, I spent a lot of time outside”, she said.

“You look happy too.”

“I'm happy because I'm here.”

It moved him so he found himself lacking for words. Everything he felt within the last two weeks, she felt it too, he realized. She was better at handling the pain but that didn't mean she didn't feel it.

It looked like she tried to work on herself, too. Which was dumb in Tony's opinion because his Pepper was already perfect and there was nothing she needed to work on yet he witnessed some change in the way she acted towards their relationship. Like earlier. Tony had been twenty minute late to their date, which he cursed himself for - how was he fucking up already, just when she was willing to give them – to give _him_ \- another chance? - but she didn't seem to be mad.

_“That's okay”_ , she had said, and there was nothing like the old bitter that's okays she used to tell him in the past year, Tony had realized. It wasn't like she just wanted to move on because it didn't deserve a fight. This time she really meant it. _“It's only ten in the west coast, after all”_ , she had pointed out with a smile.

It had made Tony chuckle. _“So I'm early?”_

_“Or I am.”_

_“Which side are you on?”_

_“Ours.”_

It echoed in his head. Ours.

He had spent days fighting his own team, siding against his own friends, trying to rally people on his side but the real team he belonged in was...

The Starks. And that isn't a team, that is a family. The family he had always been trying to build, and she was the one laying the first stone.

“I'm happy too”, he said sincerely. “You know where I'd be even happier with you?”

Pepper nodded. She could always finish his sentences. “Home.”

"Please come back home", he whispered.

She pressed her lips together, as if she was trying to hold back a sob from coming out of her mouth, and she nodded again.

So they made it home. Together.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed a thing in the last chapter to fit something else here - it's not that big but I'm saying it in case you noticed!  
> Also I wasn't, and I'm still not, entirely pleased with this chapter. Even less with the one to come.  
> I write the moments I want to fit in one chapter separately and then I have a hard time connecting them together, so I feel like it doesn't make sense most of the time. The next chapter was supposed to be part of this one but I cut it because of that. That's why I mostly write on tumblr. xD  
> And hey, if anyone want to beta read me or help in any way, let me know!  
> Also thank you a lot guys for your comments. I never expect such enthusiasm! <3


	5. Chapter 5

It smelt like Pepper's favorite homemade chicken salad.

“Good morning”, she said as Tony walked into the kitchen.

Note from the author: it is exactly what it looks like.

They had a bed reunion too.

She was wearing old clothes that she had left here. He strolled on over her until he was behind her and he brushed her hair away on the side to give her a kiss on the neck. “Morning”, he said, his voice hoarse. He cleared his throat. “Need help with that?”

Her eyes opened wide, alarmed. “Absolutely not.”

“I'm gonna make coffe.”

“Better.”

“We're good here, right?”, Tony said as he poured the coffee in his cup. He leaned against the counter, looking at her cook her food expertly.

She wiped her hands on the napkin. “Yeah. We're good.”

“Like the old days.”

She looked back at him and smiled. “I think I even prefer the new days.”

She held her smoothie glass in the air, “To the new days, Mr. Stark”, she said, to which Tony replied, clinking his own cup of coffee against her glass, “To the new days, Mrs. Stark.”

That made Pepper raise her eyebrows. Not in a shocked way, but definitely in a surprised way. “Oops”, Tony said in a wince. Surprise quickly put aside, Pepper's features turned into a smile. “Is that what the new days will hold?”

“I mean it... could be part of... not right now, but I'm not saying... Not that I've planned anything...” Not that he had bought a ring in 2008, “but, hum, it may have crossed my mind and hum...”

Pepper chuckled open heartedly. “Honey, you're struggling.”

The _honey_ had been so casual, like it just slipped out of habit.

“It's a beautiful day outside, isn't it?”

“Now you're blushing.”

“That coffee is really hot.”

Pepper rolled her eyes, laughed, and shook her head all at the same time. “What, did it burn your lips?”

“Yeah, I'm on fire.”

So she put her lips on his. And they weren't cold, but they did soothe him. “Better?”, she whispered.

Tony spred the tip of his tongue in between his lips. “I think they still need some refreshing.”

It caused an amused eye roll from Pepper again. “Then have a shower.”

Tony giggled.

*

Fixing one wound didn't mean healing altogether.

Flashes of the weekend hit Tony in the shower. His chest hurt, his arm hurt, and all of a sudden he found himself hyperventilating.

It hadn't happened in three years.

“Tony?”, Pepper called from the other room.

She found him on the floor against the shower wall and she rushed to him. His breathing was just quieting. He felt her cold hand on his thigh. “You okay?”, she whispered.

He dropped his head backwards against the cold marble tile and closed his eyes.

_You okay?_ Natasha had asked three days ago.

_Always,_ Tony had lied.

“No”, he said this time.

He felt water fall on his shoulder but it wasn't coming from the shower head.

It was Pepper's tears.

*

She stayed with him through it all. She sat next to him on the wet shower floor all dressed, not caring, and her fingers came to carress the back of his head tenderly. Her hair fell on his shoulder.

Only her, he thought. Only her had seen him that vulnerable. There was Rhodey, there was Harley, but he could allow himself to be completely weak only with Pepper. Well yeah, Rhodey did find him naked in the shower once before but that was completely different – he was completely wasted.

“I don't have anyone but you”, Tony had told Pepper once, back to the time she was _only_ his assistant. Back then she was, he thought she was, his only thing. A few years later and his only thing became his everything. He hadn't realized that these two were the same thing.

She helped him get up. Literally and figuratively. Getting up from a fight is one thing but getting up from a fight of your own... He was lucky he had an ally. Pepper was not a superhero, she was not a _soldier_ , as Rogers would call it, but she fought all his inner battles with him. They almost lost the last one but peace was right around the corner.

If he got up.

He got up. Pepper put her forehead against his. They both closed their eyes. “You're gonna be okay”, she said. “We're gonna be okay.”

*

“Who's that?”, Pepper asked when Tony's phone dinged for the third time.

She looked ready to throw it against the wall. Her man was going to get a rest and she swore on her life that if Secretary of State Thaddeus Ross was calling him one more time, she'd pick it up herself and send him to hell.

He was feeling better. Tired and emotionally drained but he could finally go on with his morning normally.

“It's the kid”, Tony said.

Pepper relaxed. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he's just thanking me for trusting him with the mission and the hotel and the ride back, and his homework and -” it dinged one more time, “and the suit.”

Pepper chuckled. “He's a good kid.”

“Yeah.”

It ringed at the door. Tony groaned. “I can't ever get a rest?”

“It's Happy. I asked him to bring me my stuff from the hotel.”

“So early in the morning?”

“It's one. Honey, you're still jet lagged.”

“I'm not jet lagged, someone just kept me up all night.”

Well, she had kept him up a good part of the night. The other part he spent downstairs in the lab working on Rhodey's prototype. “Hey Hap.”

Happy moved Tony to the side to enter with the suitcases.

“Come in please”, Tony said sarcastically, making a gesture towards the entrance at the now already empty doorstep.

“Hey.” Happy stopped, closing the door behind him. He was out of breath. “I brought Pepper's stuff. Can I have a word?”

“Sure.”

Happy looked at Tony straight in the eyes. He looked dead serious. “Did you really tell Guy he's your favorite Hogan?”

Tony burst into laughs. Happy looked offended. “No, I'm serious, I've known you longer, I work for you, I saved your life -”

“I still can't tell.”

“I wasn't aiming at you!”

“Why so serious?”

“We don't take these things lightly in the Hogan family”, Happy snapped. “My grandparents? They used to have a ranking of their best grandchildren! The competition's hard.”

“Hap, you're the best.” Tony put a hand on his shoulder. “You're one of the only people I trust. You're more than a friend, you're family. I love you, buddy.”

“You mean it, right?”

“I mean it.”

“Happy, you wanna stay for lunch?”, Pepper called from the kitchen.

“Happily!”

“Yeah, go ahead. Go,go, I'll take care of that”, Tony said, taking Pepper's suitcases with him in the bedroom.

He came back when his phone dinged for the fifth time.

“Hap, you want a new phone?” Tony grinned as he joined them at the table.

*

“Honey, you forgot the baby”, Rhodey said.

Tony pushed the wheelchair out of the bedroom and rolled his eyes. “Very funny.”

“That's what they all say about me here. _Very funny, colonel Rhodes._ If I can't ever walk again then I know I'd kill it as a stand up comedian.”

“Luckily you're gonna walk again. Hey, that nurse got a thing for you, doesn't she?”

“I may or may not have a date”, Rhodey said.

“What?”, Tony said.

“How was _your_ date?”, Rhodey said.

“Is it Tara?”, Tony said.

“Did it end up in the pillows?”, Rhodey said.

“I knew it”, Tony said.

“So where are we going now?”

“How about a date but you and me?”

“You're paying, right?”

“I gotta check my bank account.”

Rhodey snorted as Tony pushed him inside the elevator, and pressed the ground floor button. “Yeah, I bet you're short on money after you just bought the hospital a whole new set of equipments.”

“Who said that?”

“Tara.”

“So it's Tara?”

“Shut up and push me out of here.”

 


End file.
